I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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