About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize