I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
