We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Randomize
