The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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