This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Randomize
