maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
