Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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