Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I think weed is turning my hair brown
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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