i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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