considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
You were trust falling into bushes
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
