Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
