Your mouth is God's brothel.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
