is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Randomize
