my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
True strength comes from lack of pants
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
