The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
