the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
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