That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
