So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
