Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
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