"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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