How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Randomize
