i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I'm bleeding and have questions
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
