Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Randomize
