How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Randomize
