Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Randomize
