Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
