I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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