You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
