sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
