Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
