I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
my poor anus
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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