I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
