i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize