just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
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