No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
