His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
