I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
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