Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Randomize
