I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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