just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize