Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Randomize
