my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
