NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
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