I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
