He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
