I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
she peed on how many people?
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
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