He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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