so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize