Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Randomize