God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
