I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
you will always have a special place in my vag
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Randomize
