just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
