who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
