The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
please come you make the beer taste better
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Randomize
