i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
