I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
This is classic penis vs brain.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
