I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
