let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
