You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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