New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
my being single is dangerous.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Randomize
