I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I CAN MOONWALK!
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
