Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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