In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Randomize
