What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
