i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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